


Sacrifice of a God

by thatsformetoknow



Category: Death Note
Genre: And angst, Gets pretty dark tbh, Happy Ending, Kindapping, Light kidnaps L in an attempt to keep him for himself, M/M, Rape, Smut, a lotta smut, and fluff, and keep being kira, because he loves him, dub con, idk what else to out, locking up, non con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:30:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7885765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsformetoknow/pseuds/thatsformetoknow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon regaining his memories of being Kira, Light realises that L must die. He cannot sacrifice Kira for L, however he can't quite bring himself to sacrifice L for Kira either. There must be a way to have both, to keep L for himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Light tosses in bed, his eyes opening to see the empty bed beside him. He sighs heavily and rubs his wrist, a slight scarring from where the handcuffs had been still remains and he's finding it strange, being alone again after all this time.

Things had been easy, very easy, but that was then. Light Yagami, to put it simply, is in love with L, his best friend. And that was fine, he's long since accepted that and it was simple enough.

But now he's remembered, he's touched that notebook and all of it has come flooding back to him. The murders, the hate- L has to die!

That's what Kira wants, that's what Kira needs.

But what does Light need?

He's still at Head Quarters of course, he'd asked to remain on the case until it was fully solved, and L had gladly accepted, they needed to make sure that with Higuchi dead this is over once and for all.

Light is making sure it seems this way; no one else will die until the case is closed.

But L still has to die.

Kira smiles and Light frowns and he holds his head in his hands, not knowing what to do with himself because he's only a teenage boy with the power of a God.

A teenage boy who will become a God.

L is the only one that stands in his way.

And yet, glancing over to what had been their bed, he can't help but find himself yearning for the only partially warm body next to him, in a rare slumber or even tapping away at keys, he wouldn't care.

He just misses him. He supposes it's only natural; them being together for so long, and all of that, you know, love stuff.

But L has to die, he can't keep thinking like a love sick teenager (though he won't admit he is one).

So he finds himself thinking, and sighing, and then pacing, and wandering.

Wandering, and wandering, straight down to the main room that they all worked in daily; only to find L still sitting there, in complete darkness and only illuminated by the monitor light.

Light doesn't speak as he comes and he sits by L. L doesn't speak either.

L knows. He knows that L knows.

He misses him.

'Can't sleep, Light-kun?' L asks softly after a fair few minutes have passed.

'Something like that.'

'Me neither.'

Light scoffs. 'You never sleep.'

'You know that I do, I need sleep just as you do, Light-kun. You have seen me sleeping in fact.'

'That is true I suppose.' Light muses, looking at L's face, even paler and luminescent by the light from the monitor, practically glowing even.

'It's strange, is it not, Light-kun?'

'It is.' Light agrees, knowing exactly what L is talking about, but he'll never admit to missing him.

'It's not that I dislike my new room, of course...' He trails off, and Light laughs softly; L get's more talkative at night and Light sure as hell misses that.

'Of course.'

'What does that mean?' L asks flatly, barely tearing his gaze from whatever is so fascinating on the screen.

'You miss me.' Light says with a hint of smugness in his voice.

L hums. 'Yes, I suppose that is likely, is it not?' However this is not a question, he says this thoughtfully and bites his thumb gently.

Light ignores the little flutter in his chest to learn that L too, misses him.

No. L must die.

'You miss me too, Light-kun, however.'

'I do not.' Light splutters slightly.

'Why else would you be out here, after all?' He turns to him this time, with the smallest of smiles on his face and it's not condescending or anything of the sort. It's just a nice genuine smile between friends.

Light does not reply, he only frowns. L looks incredibly beautiful in the soft light from the monitor and while this is a common thought for Light, it seems Kira isn't responding so well.

'Couldn't sleep.' He mumbles.

'You usually fall asleep pretty quickly, Light-kun?' L questions, tilting his head as he thinks.

'Guess I'm just used to someone next to me.'

L nods. 'Yes, I feel the same way. There's no need to be embarrassed Light.' He says softly, their gazes locking. 'We did spend a lot of time chained together.'

'Yeah well.' Light replies with a huff, seemingly that is not a good enough excuse for Kira at the heart palpitations he is currently receiving.

'Would you like to perhaps spend some time together, unchained?' He questions, though it seems that the question is not only directed at Light but at himself also.

'Is that not what we're doing?' Light counters.

L nods. 'Yes, I suppose it is, however, in all honesty, Light-kun, you look like you haven't slept in days.'

'Haven't.' He admits.

'Come on then.' L says, pressing the power button on the monitor, leaving the darkness to engulf them. L grabs Light's wrist, leading him through the dark room and they get quickly back to Light's room.

'What are you doing?' Light asks with wide eyes as L takes his trousers off, and gets into bed.

'Getting some sleep, what are you doing?' He asks, clearly confused.

'Why are you in my bed, I mean?'

'Well it seems that neither of us have been sleeping adequately without the presence of each other, so as an experiment I will sleep in here tonight.' He said, patting the bed next to him, his tone suggesting that it should have been obvious to Light.

'Right.' Light replies, getting back into bed and closing his eyes.

L has to die.

Light lies awake long after L's breathing have evened out and he's in deep slumber. He turns over to observe the detective; he looks so peaceful.

His lips are parted ever so slightly, small sighs escaping them ever so often, and his face is so... He's not thinking about anything, not concentrating and it humanises him, somehow. He's sprawled out, which in itself is a rarity because he generally sleeps curled up, like he always has to scrunch himself up.

And it isn't as though Light has never just laid and stared before, but he looks so especially beautiful tonight and maybe it's because it's been a week since they'd last shared a bed and maybe Light always took him being there for granted, and now that he's gone...

He misses him.

L has to die. L is the necessary sacrifice for Kira, for the new world.

And Light finds himself frowning, wondering if this perhaps is his karma; the one person he falls in bloody love with has to be the one person he has to kill.

He smiles bitterly, watching him there, so peaceful. He doesn't know what's coming.

Or perhaps he does. He's always suspected Light, and perhaps he always will, until the day that Light kills him.

Perhaps he'll see if he could get a kiss first. Can't he have L before he has to kill him? Isn't it cruel to have to keep him here in such a close proximity, knowing that he'll have to kill him?

Light groans softly, he does have to kill L, he knows that. For Kira's sake, for the new world's sake. He can't give that all up just for L!

Oh, how he wishes he could have both.

He lets his eyes fall closed and fails to remove himself from L's side, which as he drifts off to sleep, is currently snuggling further into.

***

Light wakes to his name being softly spoken and still blurred with sleep, he manages to make out L's face.

Incredibly close to his.

He makes a sound that can really only be described as a squeak and he moves himself quickly out of L's arms.

'Did you sleep well, Light-kun?' L asks.

'Yes, I did. Did you?'

'I did, also.' He nods. 'I have made the decision to continue to sleep in here.' He continues.

Light's mouth opens slightly. 'Do I not get a say in this?'

'No, I'm afraid not Light.'

'And why would that be?'

'Your pride will obviously stop you from agreeing, however we both slept well last night and I cannot afford to have us tired at work. Therefore, I am sleeping in here from now on.'

'And if I don't agree to this?'

'Then you can go and you can reside at your house from now on. This is non-negotiable. I want us both on top form and I will not have your pride getting in the way of this.' He said this seemingly calmly, but Light knows better, he knows the slight undertone of annoyance and impatience in the detective's voice.

Light sighs. 'Fine. Whatever.'

L nods and gets off of the bed to find some clothes and reluctantly, Light does the same.

It's only a matter of time.

Light shakes his head and sighs, ignoring the questioning that he immediately gets from L if everything is okay.

To which he of course replied yes. But no, everything is most certainly not okay.

The day goes by smoothly with little activity worth noticing, L and Light keep close together, but that's only out of habit really, having not been able to move far away without affecting the other, and it's only been a week and they're still getting used to it, in their defence.

That's what Light tells himself.

And everyone else has gone home now, and yet again they are sitting together, but this time L is turning off the monitors and they are going up to bed and Light doesn't know why he's smiling.

Correction. Kira doesn't know why he's smiling. Light is completely and utterly head over heals for this angel.

Pity he has to die really. Kira could have been God, and L could have been his angel.

Light smiles softly, he likes the idea of that – L could have been his angel.

And then his smile disappears.


	2. Chapter 2

Light wakes once again to L's face incredibly close to his, however this time the detective is still sleeping. Light feels his face flush as he carefully extracts himself from L's arms, and ignores how his mind is screaming at him that L must die!

Maybe he can prolong the time they have together, but does that really make a difference? Because Light knows that when it comes down to it, out of him and Kira... Kira will win.

And L _will_ die.

Because Kira is a God.

And he can't keep L around if he wants to be that God. Can't give it all up for L, even the idea to Light is ridiculous.

And he sighs softly, and bushes L's hair out of his face and he can practically _hear_ Kira sneering at him.

It isn't his fault that he fell for L! He didn't remember being Kira!

(Well, decidedly that was his fault, but Light hadn't known this!)

Used to having to wait for the other to rouse, Light waits for a fair few minutes, just watching L's peaceful face before he remembers that he isn't in fact chained to the older man anymore and is free to do as he chooses.

So he takes advantage of the situation and goes for a morning shower, in the hopes of trying to somehow make sense of this all in his head.

It's been a few days now since L started sleeping back in their room _(his room)_ and it still isn't getting any easier. No matter how far across the double bed he falls asleep, he'll always wake twisted somehow in L's arms or pressed up against him.

That didn't used to happen.

Had he missed him in that week _that_ much? Surely not.

But it's slowly killing him because the more days he keeps close to L, the harder it is to stomach the thought of ending his life; to see the life fade from his dark eyes and to see them glassily stare up at him because he knows that this is what Kira wants, to see L's death right as it happens before his eyes, to see the life sucked from him first hand and hold his limp cold body close.

Light wants to throw up.

His shower is over before it's even started, he's barely noticed the soap on his skin and the scalding water that stings him.

He does, however, hear L's voice ripping him from his thoughts.

'Light-kun?' He calls softly with a light tap on the door. 'There is something I would like to discuss with you in a few minutes, if that is alright with you.'

'Sure, Ryuzaki.' Light calls back and he hastily gets out of the shower, drying himself and putting some fresh clothes on.

'What is it?' He asks, rubbing a towel onto his still damp hair.

'I just thought I would inform you that I seem to have acquired feelings for you, Light-kun.'

Light freezes. He blinks and he breaths and he turns to face L who is idly chewing his thumb.

'What?'

'I just thought I should mention it.' He replies nonchalantly.

How can he be so damn calm?

'Feelings?' Light asks but it's more of a squeak and he approaches where L is sat on the bed and cautiously sits next to him.

'Yes, I wasn't sure at first, but I seem to have acquired them, it's only logical, I suppose...' He replies, not seeming bothered at all that he had just confessed his so called _feelings_ to Light.

Nothing ever bloody bothers him, does it?

'As in like, 'I'd like to kiss you Light' feelings?' Light asked, trying to reduce his heart rate and breathing speed.

L nods. 'Yes, I suppose you could say that. Anyway, we'd better get going then, hadn't we?'

'Excuse me?'

'To work, Light-kun?' He gets off of the bed and walks to the door, hesitating at Light's sudden change in demeanour.

 _'Work?'_ He splutters, also getting up. 'After you just told me _that?'_

'Is it really that much of an issue? I wouldn't have brought it up if I had known...' L trails off, seeming genuinely confused by Light's reaction.

Light doesn't quite know what to do.

On the one hand, this is all he could have hoped for.

On the other hand, could he really have L return his affections only to kill him in a week or two?

Fuck this. He sighs heavily and walks over to join L by the door. L goes to twist the handle but falters as Light makes to stop him.

'Light-kun?' He inquires, observing the boy before him.

Light rolls his eyes and grabs L's shirt in his fists, the detective's eyes widen in surprise but Light is pulling him closer and crashing their lips together.

L doesn't hesitate like Light would have expected, but immediately his lips are moving against Light's and damn _how_ does he manage to taste so sweet even when he hasn't eaten yet today?

His hands are still gripping tightly at L's shirt, knuckles turning white, but L's hands are by his sides, until he experimentally brings one up and brushes it along Light's cheek.

He rests his hand at the base of Light's neck, cupping his head and his other hand finds it's way resting on Light's hip and Light is still kissing L hungrily, gripping onto his shirt for dear life and he isn't about to let go any time soon.

He pushes Kira to the back of his mind because he is Light, damn it and he is in love with this man so he can bloody well _enjoy_ kissing him without that sneer of Kira in his ears.

And all coherent thoughts are pretty much gone at this point because all he can feel is L and it's completely wonderful but then L is pulling away breathlessly, gasping for air and he finds himself too struggling to breathe.

'Light-kun should, warn, me next time, he deprives me of so much, air.' He says trying to steady his breathing.

'Sorry.' Light replies and he can feel the blush creeping up his neck.

'Don't be.' L says with a small smile and pecks Light's lips lightly. 'It was thoroughly enjoyable.'

Light smirks and opens the door, ready to go down to work at last.

'I was not aware that Light-kun reciprocated these feelings, however.' L says in his usual soft tone as they enter the room.

'Shush.' Light scolds and leans close as they sit down to whisper back. 'I thought you were supposed to be the detective?'

L frowns. 'I am.'

'Then you should have known.'

'These feelings... They have been present?'

'Yes, stupid.' Light scowls, turning his attention away from the detective.

'Light-kun, thinks me stupid?' He asks, gaining not only Lights, but the others in the rooms attention too. He seems legitimately affected by Light's words.

'No, I don't think you're stupid, Ryuzaki.' Light concedes with a sigh.

'Then why did you say so?'

'I- I don't know, does it matter?'

'To me.'

Light rolls his eyes and leans in close. 'Just be my bloody boyfriend then, alright?'

L blinks. And for a long minute, Light has a genuine concern that L is going to turn him down before he finally replies as if no time has passed – 'Alright.'

'Seriously?' Light asks, not knowing why he's finding himself surprised.

L nods. 'What purpose would I have to lie to you about such matters, Light-kun?'

Light doesn't focus during the next few hours and while L knows exactly _why_ ,he isn't thrilled at Light's lack of attention to the case.

'I have matters to discuss with Light during our lunch break today, so we'll just be going upstairs. Carry on as usual.' L says, standing up as lunch time rolls around.

L grabs Light's wrist and drags him into the hall (hearing one of the task force whisper 'Do you think they're going to have another fight?').

As soon as the door is closed L is practically attacking Light's lips and to say that Light is surprised is one hell of an understatement.

'I presume this is why Light-kun has been out of focus, this morning?' He asks, though he already knows the answer.

Light doesn't reply and pulls L back to him, connecting their lips once again in a needy kiss.

'Light.' L says, pulling away. 'I need you to focus on the case.'

'I want to focus on you.' He whines and quite honestly, it's not only the Kira in him that's appalled that those words just came out of his mouth.

'As do I.' L smiles back and this comment surprises them both.

'You do?'

'Naturally.'

'Lets go and eat lunch somewhere else then.' Light suggests, and they collect their lunch before heading off to one of the living rooms on a higher floor, simply sitting together on the sofa and eating.

However, Light has pushed L's legs down so that he is sitting normally and he has slid himself between them, leaning back into L as they eat in a comfortable silence.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I'd say for anyone already reading, I don't know what I was doing yesterday when I set up this fic on here, but PLEASE re read the warnings and tags because this does get pretty dark in a couple chapters

_L must die. L is a necessary sacrifice for the new world. For Kira. Kira is a God._

_God's shouldn't have to make any sacrifices._

_You can have both, Light Yagami. Kira and L. Have both._

_Keep him for yourself._

Light's eyes snap open, he blinks as the bright room comes into focus. He can see that L is already awake and looking curiously down at him.

'Are you quite alright, Light-kun?' He asks, running a hand through Light's hair.

'I'm fine.' He says, sitting up and pressing his lips to L's cheek.

This is the norm now, all the little kisses and cuddles. The brushes of hands when the others are around, steels of glances and eye contact throughout the days.

But there's always been that hint of... That hint of something in the back of Light's mind, knowing that he will have to kill the man he loves.

But today? That's gone and for a moment he doesn't quite know why he's feeling such pure and unadulterated happiness as he puts his arms around L and buries his face in the detective's neck.

'Sure?' L asks, lifting his arms to return the hug. 'You're usually not so tactile until you've got a bit of caffeine in you.'

'Can't I give my boyfriend a hug?' Light asks, not lifting his head, just inhaling L deeply, wanting to get lost in him and never be found.

'Of course.' L responds, relaxing into the hug a little more.

_Have both. Keep him._

There is a way, there has to be a way to keep L by his side and still be Kira. There just has to be, he only has to think of it yet (and thinking has always been one of Light's strong suits).

Light tries to keep L in bed for a little longer, but alas, they have a case to close and the time for morning cuddles is over.

Though Light does slip his hand into L's as they make their way down to get breakfast before heading over to the main room, making sure to release it before they get through the door.

'Are you sure you're alright, Light-kun?' L asks in a hushed tone, looking intently at Light.

Light nods. 'Just had a bad dream.' He lies.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

'Don't remember it.' Light shakes his head and turns his attention away from L.

It seems that this is good enough for L for the time being, as he looks away from Light and back to his computer screen.

But Light can barely focus at all; wracking his brains for a way... There _has_ to be some way to keep L.

And he _will_ find it.

After lunch today, however, Light says that he must go out and won't be back until much later. L's brow furrows but he agrees, not having a say in what Light does any, more and so they continue to work until dusk.

Nothing happens. It's all so boring now that Kira has stopped killing (did he really just think that?).

L is even doubting that Light is Kira after all... He had been so sure, but it seems as though Light is just plain old wonderful Light.

And that's a good thing of course; for one he isn't dating a mass murderer, and for another, his death may not be _quite_ so imminent.

By the time Light returns, night has indeed fallen and L is waiting up in bed for him, eyes closed but still awake when he feels the mattress dip as Light slips into bed.

He then feels Light's arm around his waist and hot breath in his ear.

'Miss me?'

L nods, twisting to look at Light.

'Sorry I was so long.'

'Where were you?' L asks, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Light smiles softly. 'Ah, I couldn't tell you that - it would ruin the surprise.'

'For me?' He asks, surprised.

'For you indeed.' Light replies, bringing their lips together gently.

'I'm not sure I've ever had a surprise before.' L muses.

Light kisses his nose lightly. 'Well you're getting one now, and I can assure you that you will like it.' If there's any twinge of guilt there, he decidedly ignores it - he's getting what he wants, finally.

*** 

Over the next few days, Light works until lunch time and then takes off, waving goodbye and not returning until L is already waiting for him in bed and L can't say that he likes it much.

Admittedly, there is little to nothing going on with the case and now that Light is no longer a prime suspect he does not have the right to know where Light keeps going, but he can't help but feel...

Lonely? Abandoned?

No, neither of those really.

Perhaps he just misses his boyfriend.

That would explain how he snuggles into Light when he comes home, despite the fact that in all actuality it is generally Light that is the more touchy-feely of the two, it's safe to say that L's been feeling pretty needy lately.

He can't help it, he's used to having Light around twenty-four seven!

'When is your surprise going to be finished, Light?' L asks and Light notices the lack of 'kun' on the end.

'Soon actually, very soon. It'll be worth the wait I promise. I'm sorry that I've been out so much lately.'

'It's fine.'

'No, it isn't, I've been neglecting you.' (Ah, there it is - neglected.)

L doesn't reply because he doesn't want to lie to Light, he _does_ feel neglected.

'I'm sorry.' Light says softly and L nods.

Then L can feel Light's lips at the corner of his mouth, down his jaw and at his neck. The kisses are soft and light and as far as L can tell, Light doesn't have sexual intentions, it's just kisses and they're nice.

L sighs softly, dragging his fingertips up and down Light's back as Light's kisses cease and he rests his head in the crook of L's neck.

'So when can I have the surprise?' L asks quietly as they're almost drifting off to sleep.

'Whenever you want, Ryuzaki.' Light replies with a smile.

'Now?'

'We'll have to make a trip out of it and stay the night, so now wouldn't be ideal.'

L hums softly. 'We could go for the weekend? Friday evening?'

'Sounds good.' Light replies, pressing a kiss to the side of L's forehead.

*** 

The days leading up until Friday drag on for the both of them, but it's finally rolled around and the rest of the task force has gone home, leaving only Light and L sitting in the main room.

Light says that they should go and get their bags and then get a taxi there. L suggests that Watari drives them, but Light is insistent that he wants to have everything the way he planned it, so therefore they must take a taxi.

So with little hesitation, L agrees and they sit in the back of a taxi, fingers loosely intertwined and L is looking out of the window while Light is looking at L.

It doesn't take them long to arrive, a little over half an hour perhaps? Carrying their bags they walk up to large iron gates which Light opens up and leads L inside.

'What's this?' L asks, wide eyed as they approach a pretty little cottage a little way up.

'It's a house. Or more of a holiday home.' Light says with a grin. 'For us, if you'd want... Figured we could use some time away.' He adds almost shyly, glancing at L to gauge his reaction.

'You did this? For me?' L asks with a tilt of his head.

Light nods and L frowns.

'Why, Light-kun?'

'Because I love you, silly.' Light laughs and takes L's hand, leading him inside.

Light shows L around the house almost like an excited toddler - eager to show off his handy work and from what Light can tell, L seems happy with it.

'So I was thinking dinner?' He asks, leading L to the dining room where the table is pretty much already laid, save the candle being lit (which Light quickly rectifies).

L nods and sits down at the table.

'Come on, Ryuzaki...' Light smiles. 'You don't need deductive reasoning to eat dinner.'

'No, I suppose you are correct.' He concedes, lowering his legs so that they hang down as Light's do.

'See? Not so hard after all.'

They eat in a comfortable silence before L's mind drifts back to earlier.

'Light-kun loves me?' He asks almost cautiously.

Light nods. 'Are you surprised?'

'Honestly? Yes.'

Light shakes his head and laughs lightly. 'Well don't be - I love you, L.'


	4. Chapter 4

They've finished eating, a while ago actually, and they'd talked a bit in the living room but they've somehow found themselves upstairs in the bedroom, unable to keep their hands off of each other.

They almost fell through the door, having started kissing half way up the stairs and Light harshly pulling L's shirt over his head, not giving a second thought to where it falls and he lets L take his off before pushing L backwards into the room and down onto the bed.

L's eyes flutter closed at the feeling of Light nibbling down his neck, he sucks at the skin lightly and he's receiving the tiniest most wonderful noises from L.

He kisses lower down on L's chest, stopping at a nipple and nibbling lightly on it and L gasps, his hands on instinct going to Light's hair.

Light smirks at this, and goes to do the same to the other, rolling the first gently between his fingers.

'L-Light...' He breathes, feeling Light's hands at the buttons on his trousers.

'Mhm?' Light hums against against L's skin, though he knows that he won't receive a reply.

He gasps softly as Light takes his trousers off and feels his erection through his boxers.

L's eyes open as he attempts to relieve Light of his own trousers, and Light hums in appreciation as he goes back to pressing wet kisses up L's neck, sucking on the pale skin and biting gently.

Light kicks his trousers off and manoeuvres himself so that his body is hovering over L's on the bed and he lowers his crotch to L's, grinding on him softly and they both moan lightly.

Still grinding on L, with slightly more force each time, he reaches across to the beside drawer and gets out an unopened bottle of lube before resting it on the bed next to them.

L's hips are jutting up to meet Light's and they're both moaning like teenagers having their first time (though that's pretty much what's happening here).

L's hands are around Light's back, pulling him closer and Light can see the marks on his neck darkening into bruises.

'Ryuzaki-' Light gasps, noting that both of them are already leaking pre-come through their boxers and he sits up, half sitting on L's thighs.

'Light?' L asks, catching his breath a little.

Light bites his lip and his fingers hook inside the waistband of L's underwear and he pulls them down, smirking at the look on L's face as he takes his dick in his hand and pushes the beads of pre-come down his shaft with his thumb, and then shudders as Light strokes his thumb agonisingly slowly over his tip.

For a minute, L is lost in it as Light pleasures him, but then he props himself up a little and drags Light's boxers down and wrapping his hand around Light's dick, watching as Light's mouth falls open and a throaty moan leaves his lips.

They sit like that for a minute or two, jerking each other off, before Light grabs up the bottle of lube that in the heat of it all L hadn't even noticed (a rarity).

He opens it and hesitates, looking at L, who bites his lip and nods.

Light gets off of L's legs, pushing them apart and settling himself between them, pouring a substantial amount of lube onto his fingers.

'Go gently.' L says softly.

'The last thing I want to do is hurt you.' Light reassures him, pushing a single finger into L's entrance slowly.

L hisses lightly at the intrusion but relaxes and let's Light push in further, deciding whether he likes this uncomfortable feeling or not.

'You can-' L says after a while, lifting his arms in some sort of gesture that has nothing to do with the situation at all.

Light pours a little more lube on and pushes a second finger into L, curling them slightly inside him and grinning as he finds his prostate, glancing up at L's face and deciding he wants to see L like this forever; eyes scrunched closed, fisting the sheets in his hands, a thin sheen of sweat on his body, lips parted ever so slightly as high pitched moans slip from them.

He soon adds another finger, pumping them in and out of the detective at a slow pace, savouring the sounds coming from his mouth as he watches him.

'Light-kun...' L starts, his eyes open and looking down at Light. 'P-lease.'

'It's going to hurt a little bit.' Light says softly and L nods, hardly caring at the moment.

'I'm aware, Light-kun.' L says as Light removes his fingers and pours some lube onto his cock and lines himself up at L's entrance.

He pushes in gently and wraps his hand around L's dick to help take his mind off of the slight pain he's in.

Once he's fully in, he waits for a few moments to let L adjust but L is having none of it.

'Move Light!' He hisses, hands gripping at Light's arms as slowly he slides in and out of L, moans falling from their lips.

They both know that they won't last long - they were both close to orgasm before they even got their underwear off.

Theyre both moaning loudly, and L accidentally digs his nails into Light's arms as he hits his prostate again, letting out a yelp.

Light throws his head back as his comes, letting out a low moan and spilling into L, his hand on L's cock sending him over the edge and he too comes, white ribbons falling onto his stomach.

For about a minute neither of them move, they just heavily pant and catch their breath.

'I love you too, Light-kun.' L says softly as Light settles in the bed next to him.

'I'm glad.' Light replies with a soft smile, wrapping his arms around the older man.

When L wakes he suspects that it's late morning, around eleven perhaps? He notices the absence of Light's warm body next to him and is surprised to find himself somewhat saddened by this.

He blearily opens his eyes and glances around the room; the curtains are drawn and sunlight is streaming through the curtains.

He briefly wonders about Light's whereabouts but is met with a more pressing issue. Literally.

The metal handcuffs pressing into his wrists, chaining him to the bed.

He somewhat frantically tries to tug his wrists free but he already knows that it is pointless.

He sighs and glances around the room, his mind returning to Light once more.

He knows. And what's more, he knows that Light knows he knows.

L sighs dejectedly and grumbles, waiting for Light to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le smut


	5. Chapter 5

The door opens and Light walks in, a broad smile on his face and breakfast trays in hand.

'I made us eggs!' He says, handing a tray to L and sitting next to him. 'Oh, I forgot, you won't be able to eat it...' He frowns and pretends to think for a moment. 'Ah, I'll have to feed you instead, L.'

'Light-kun-' L starts but is silenced by a forkful of scrambled egg in his mouth. 'Why am I chained to the bed?'

'Now this is the good part.' Light says, pressing a kiss to L's nose. 'You see, Ryuzaki, I love you. I love you a lot, more than I ever thought I would. And I just can't kill you.'

'Kira.'

'I'm surprised you stopped suspecting me, really.'

'I didn't.'

'I know.' Light smiles but this is no longer the Light that L knows, this is Kira. 'But you let your guard down. You let me have you, just as well really, L.'

'Why not just kill me, Kira?'

'Weren't you listening?' Light says angrily, standing up and putting the breakfast trays harshly down on the side. 'I love you! I can't kill you! But I can't let you live if I want to be Kira. I can't give Kira up for you but I can't give you up for Kira either. Don't you see how this is killing me?' Light shouts, losing his patience with the detective rapidly.

'So you've kidnapped me then.' L says, barely managing to make eye contact with Light.

'This was the only way, don't you see? You should be damned grateful, L! You get to live!'

'So what now then? You just keep me chained to the bed forever?'

'Of course not!' Light snaps and then his face softens. 'I had to make sure you'd stay put while I secured the place, but I meant what I said; this is a house for us. Now that I've secured the iron fence that surrounds this place I can unchain you and we can make a start with our lives together.'

'Light-kun...' L says, not knowing what else to say.

'Here.' Light says softly, pressing a kiss to the side of L's forehead and unlocks the handcuffs. 'Now you'll be able to go anywhere in the premises, however, I will have to insist that you remain in this room when I leave. I will lock you in here with plenty of food and water until I return.'

'Like an animal?' L says sourly.

'You have no right to be angry! You said it yourself you love me! Now we can be together! Kira as a God and the great L as his angel.'

L frowns and doesn't reply.

'It's not that bad, Ryuzaki...' Light brings a hand to caress L's cheek. 'This way we can be together, this way you can live.'

'Well maybe I don't want to live as a prisoner. Maybe I would rather that you killed me, Kira.'

'It doesn't matter what you want, L. I wanted you so I took you. And now you're mine.'

'I was yours anyway, Light-kun.' L says with a sad smile.

'And if it was revealed that I was Kira? You'd haul me off to jail, L!'

L remaines silent and turned his head away as Light tries to kiss him.

'Oh so it's like this now? Can't even kiss my own boyfriend?' Light snaps, pulling away and walking to the door. 'When you're ready to accept things for how they are and stop sulking then I'll see you downstairs for lunch.' He says coldly, shutting the door with enough force to make a loud bang.

L subconsciously rubs his wrists where the metal had dug into his skin from pulling and he lets out a long breath he didn't know he was holding.

He pulls his legs up to his chest, half out of habit and can't stop the thoughts whirling through his mind.

How does he escape? Is there a way to escape? Does he want to esape? Of course he does. But he loves Light and what is there to escape to? He needs to somehow bring Kira to justice and if that means that Light has to be put in jail or to death then so be it; he's killed countless people in cold blood.

And then he can see Light excitedly showing him around their house, what was meant to be a surprise for him, a holiday away with the person he loves. Who loves him back.

Part of him feels like crying, he can feel the stinging behind his eyes and this is something he hasn't felt in the longest time... He'd let himself get his hopes up that he could be happy.

But his intuition is generally spot on and his first thoughts about Light? Kira.

So L sits and he blinks away the foreign tears in his eyes and he thinks for what feels like hours but in reality is only around fifteen minutes.

With a heavy sigh he slides off of the bed and walks over to the door before turning the handle.

L walks down the stairs, images of him and Light kissing on them burn into his mind and then he can see Light putting an array of sweet foods on the table, L perks up a little at the sight.

'Finally decided to come down then?' Light asks without turning to face him.

'Sitting upstairs wasn't doing me any good.' L shrugs, coming over to the table.

'I thought I would have to bribe you out with all of this.' Light says with a smile, his demeanour completely different from earlier.

'It wouldn't hurt...' L replies, eyeing the sweet treats that the table is adorned with.

'Anything for you, Ryuzaki.' Light says, wrapping his arms around L's waist and kissing his nose lightly. He then picks up a strawberry and holds it in front of L's mouth, hesitantly, L takes a bite. 'Good?' Light asks, still impossibly close to L.

'You put sugar on them.'

'Well I recall you doing the same thing.'

'I was just surprised you remembered is all.'

'Why wouldn't I? I remember everything about you, Ryuzaki.' Light says softly, bringing their lips together and this time L can't find it within him to resist.

As L goes to sit down at the table, Light is packing the food into a basket and opening the doors to the garden.

'Picnic?' He asks brightly, and holds the door open for L as he gets up. Light puts a blanket down on the floor and sits close to L, feeding him little snacks as they listen to the birds sing.

'I'm sorry you had to find out like that.' Light says softly, a hand brushing againstL's cheek.

'Me too.' L replies, tensing.

'You do understand though, right? I love you Ryuzaki, I love you so much and I couldn't bear to lose you.'

L doesn't reply.

'I know you're still upset about it, but we can have a good life here, just the two of us.'

'You think they won't come looking for me?'

'If they're stupid enough to come looking for you, then it's their own fault when I kill them.'

'I thought you only killed criminals.'

'To protect you, protect us, I'll do anything.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sad thing is that Light truly believes that he's doing the right thing and that this is how he and L can be happy together


	6. Chapter 6

It's been three days since Light locked out the outside world and it's been three days of Light acting as loving and domestic as humanely possible and it's getting a little much.

It's fake. It's all so damn fake and L can hardly stand it.

He falls asleep in Light's arms and wakes up in them too and while a week ago that would have been perfect for him... Now he can't wait for Light to get up to make breakfast.

He glances over at the sleeping boy next to him and he looks so _innocent_ , just like a normal nineteen year old boy. And L sighs because Light _(his boyfriend)_ has killed countless people, he is the worst mass murderer in all of history and he looks so peaceful.

How does he sleep at night?

Perhaps because Light genuinely thinks he's doing the right thing. L frowns and sighs. The one person he had to fall in love with. Kira.

And yet here he is, still alive but being held captive. Like an animal, and Light tries to steer clear of any conversation to do with any of that, but L is sick of it.

They'll come for him soon, Watari and the others. And then it'll be over.

He twists out of Light's loose grip and sits up, drawing his legs up to his chest and casting a side glance at L who stirs.

His eyes open slowly and he frowns as he sees L.

'Ryuzaki?' He asks, sitting up and laying a hand on L's shoulder. L shrugs him off.

'Don't.' L says softly.

'Don't what?' Light asks, feigning innocence.

'Touch me.'

'Touch you?'

'I don't want you to be near me right now, Light-kun.'

L doesn't say anything but clenches his jaw. 'You're my boyfriend.'

'Yes.'

'Why don't you wish to be near me?' He sounds upset, but he's an actor.

'Light-kun... Please...' He says softly, not wishing to get into an argument with Light.

'No.' Light says stubbornly, moving to press their lips together but L turns his head. 'Kiss me.'

'No.' L says, using the same stubborn tone.

'Kiss me.' Light says again, his eyes narrowing as he grabs hold of L's jaw and forcably connects their lips.

L tries to shove Light off. 'I said no.'

'So you want to play that game today, L?' Light asks, his voice cold. 'That's fine by me; I love to play with you, L. Too bad you're going to lose.'

Light grabs L's wrists into his hands and pushes him down on the bed, kissing harshly at his jaw and neck, biting into his skin sharply.

L moans out in surprise.

'You see?' Light smirks. 'You can't resist me.' He rolls his hips down onto L's and kisses him, his tongue sliding into L's mouth and there's little that L can do to stop him. Not that he finds he wants to.

L bites down on Light's lip suddenly and Light cries out. 'You bastard.' He snarls but L smirks, pulling Light down for another kiss, lulling him almost before biting again, jerking his hips up into Light's.

'I thought you wanted to play.' L says, a coy smile playing at his lips and suddenly he uses all his strength to flip them over and he goes for Light's neck, barely bothering to kiss or suck, biting and nipping, and making Light moan.

'Still saying no?' Light smirks, swiftly removing L's shirt.

L glares at Light and grinds down onto his crotch, making him moan loudly. He leans over to the bedside table and gets the bottle of lube but then he's on the bed again and Light is on top of him, practically ripping his pyjama bottoms off.

'You're fun to play with, Ryuzaki.' Light smirks and thrusts two fingers into L.

L cries out and pushes down onto Light's fingers.

'Eager this morning?'

'Hungry this morning so hurry up Light-Kun, so we can have ice cream.'

'Ice cream for breakfast?' Light rolls his eyes and takes his fingers out, positioning himself at L's entrance and thrusting in fully in one thrust.

L's back arches off of the bed as Light does this, a low moan sounding through the room.

'Of course ice cream for breakfast. Silly Li-ght-kun-n.' He says, moaning softly as Light picks up the pace.

'So much for don't touch me.' Light laughs as he grabs a hold of L's dick and pumps it quickly, drawing L closer and closer.

'I meant it, you know.' L says, wondering how he can remain so perfectly coherent in the midst of all the pleasure. 'Sometimes even the thought of you sickens me.'

Light thrusts into L harder at this, hitting his prostate dead on. 'Oh?'

'You're the worst mass murderer in all of history, and here we are having sex!' L moans, twisting the sheets in his fists.

'You're getting off on it though, you know you are. The murderer and the detective.'

L decides not to reply to that, partially scared of his answer and lets out a loud moan instead.

'Are you close?' Light asks, using L's pre come as lube for pumping his cock.

'Mhm.' It's all L can do to hum in response now, feeling himself about to come undone,

'Come on then, Ryuzaki. Come for me.'

And he does, with a loud moan and arching back he comes as he feels Light release inside of him.

They lay there panting for a few moments and then Light rolls over to put an arm around L and he shrugs him off.

'Don't touch me.' He says, his calm demeanour back.

'Seriously?' Light asks incredulously.

'I mean it, Light-kun.' L says warningly and Light sighs, getting up from bed.

'Fine.'

And then he's gone. Part of L is relieved, and another part yearning for the boy back next to him.

Light leaves L for a little while, busying himself down stairs and then he returns, checking quietly if L is awake before handing him a small bowl of ice cream.

'Figured you would still be hungry.' He says softly with a smile.

'Thank you, Light-kun.' L replies equally as soft and kisses Light's cheek.

'Can I join you?' Light asks almost cautiously.

L hesitates. 'If you bring me cake.'

Light laughs a little. 'Cake it is then.'

He's back only a few moments after he'd left, a plate of cake in his hand as he gets back into bed next to L, their shoulders touching as they eat cake and ice cream in a comfortable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L is pretty torn right now it seems


	7. Chapter 7

Light and L are sitting by the fire, Light is leaning back into L's arms and L hums softly as he strokes his hands through Light's hair.

'I was telling the truth you know, last week.'

L doesn't respond, knowing that Light will elaborate.

'Why I did this? Because I love you.'

L's hands falter and he sighs. 'I'm not sure you know what love is my Light-kun.'

'What are you talking about? Of course I do.'

L only responds with a sigh and gets up, extending a hand to Light.

'Bed?'

He sleeps a lot more these days than he ever used to back at Head Quarters and a lot of the time he's even the one to ask Light to sleep. He smiles softly, recalling the days when they were chained together and Light would drag him by the chain away from the computer and to the bedroom.

'Not yet?' Light says, taking L's hand but pulling him back down.

'I'm tired.'

'No you're not.'

L glares at Light, somewhat annoyed that Light can mostly see through his lies. Light brings their lips together a moment later and kisses him softly, winding his hands into L's mass of hair.

Light holds L close and breaks the kiss, resting their foreheads against each other's.

'Go on then.' He says softly and L smiles a little, pressing a quick kiss against Light's lips and going upstairs.

L gets into his pyjamas and lays in bed for what must be over an hour before he gets out with a sigh. He shivers from the cold and makes his way down stairs I'm search of his boyfriend.

He can hear him muttering to himself, sounding pretty stressed, and he pushes the office door open a little, one of Light's hands is gripping at his hair so tightly that it must hurt and the other is furiously writing.

'Light-kun?' L asks softly as not to startle Light.

He whips around, eyes wide, and his jaw clenches.

'Get. Out.' He snarls.

'Are you okay, Light-kun?' L asks worriedly, stepping into the room slightly.

'I said get out!' Light shouts, standing up and roughly shoving L backwards.

L's eyes widen in surprise. 'I was only-'

'I don't give a damn!' Light forcefully pushes him out of the room and slams the door in L's face.

L stands there for a few moments, a little shocked at Light's behaviour and goes back up to bed.

He still doesn't sleep though, and it's at least three by the time Light comes upstairs; opening the door loudly, not caring if L is asleep.

He throws his shirt and trousers off, pulling the covers back and climbing on top of L, much to his surprise.

'Get off me, Light-kun.' L says softly.

Light doesn't answer and leans forward to kiss him. It's not like earlier though, it's rough and he's pulling L's hair enough for it to hurt.

'Light-kun, I want to sleep.'

'Like hell.' Light growls and quickly takes L's shirt off. He grinds down onto L and moans softly.

'Light.'

'If you wanted to sleep then you would have.' He grinds down again, smirking as he finds L hardening against his will.

Light gets off of L and opens the drawer, quickly locating the lube and taking both of their trousers off.

He isn't going to bother preparing L, L realises, and so he raises an eyebrow and takes Light's hand in his.

'For fucks sake.' He says, and pours some lube onto his fingers and roughly thrusting two into L.

L hisses in pain but Light takes no notice, pumping them in and out of him and then adds a third.

L isn't even fully hard yet, so drags his fingers over his dick seeing as Light won't.

Light takes his fingers out and positions himself at L's entrance, thrusting in roughly and letting out a low moan.

He leans down to take one of L's nipples into his mouth and sucks a little before biting softly.

L gasps and his fingernails dig into Light's back.

Light takes L's cock in hand and pumps it quickly, moving his mouth to the other nipple and L moans loudly.

Light doesn't relent with his thrusting, drawing them both closer with every slap of skin on skin and L soon cums with incoherent words and gasps, shooting cum over his stomach.

Light doesn't slow, still thrusting hard into L, and L's moans are high pitched now from overstimulation and he thinks he's probably broken the skin on Light's back with his nails by now.

Without much warning, Light spills into L, moaning deeply and then slows, riding out his orgasm and pulls out.

Light lays next to L, though L turns over, both of them panting when Light curls his body around L's and peppers little kisses over the nape of L's neck.

'I'm sorry I yelled at you.' He says softly and feels L nod and wraps an arm around L's waist, knowing that a nod is the best he'll get.


	8. Chapter 8

It's been two weeks now and L is slowly losing hope that Watari is coming for him. But what is there to go back to?

Ever since L walked in on Light using the death note, Light has been short tempered and snappy, taking his frustrations out on L in bed; and L usually fights back, bites at Light's lips until he bleeds and tries to push him over so that L is sitting on top of him. He knows that Light likes that, likes that L fights back and that he's a challenge.

But then Light hit him. They haven't spoken since. And not like the usual spats they would get into back at HQ, this is different.

L doesn't belong to anyone, lest of all his boyfriend. L is his own person and he's allowed to do as he wishes; being held captive here is bad enough without Light wanting to control his actions too.

And maybe L is overreacting a little, but he had said no, no He didn't want that. He didn't want it and he was entitled to that. And Light had gotten angry. L had put it down to the stress of being Kira and everything he's doing lately; it's bound to be stressful after all.

Then Light slapped him, he slapped him hard enough to leave a deep red mark that's bruising now. He'd yelled at him to do as he was told and L had still said no and Light had thrown a punch to his stomach, still yelling at him. It's only been two weeks and L didn't think he'd see Light's sanity deteriorate so quickly.

He supposes that he's only now seeing the Kira side of Light that he's been hiding and L sure as hell doesn't like him.

He's sitting on the bed, facing away from the door and looking out of the window past the iron fence that surrounds the house and all he can see is trees.

Light didn't come to bed last night and L is hoping it's because he feels guilty; L didn't fight back after all, he just let Light hit him.

He hears the door open and he flinched slightly, being drawn from his thoughts suddenly.

'L?' Light asks softly and L feels the bed dip.

L doesn't say anything or turn to face him.

Light sighs heavily and presses a kiss to the nape of L's neck, sliding his hands around L to rest on his chest.

This is usually how they deal with things, after all. They argue, they fuck, they either cuddle or sulk until someone apologises.

L knows he's overreacting but he can't find it in himself to care.

'L...' Light whines softly, his fingertips at the hem of L's white shirt and he lifts it over his head.

L does nothing to stop him as he pushes L down onto the bed and goes to pull his pyjama pants off.

Light leans over him and places a chaste kiss on L's lips, L's eyes fall shut and they don't open as Light pulls away.

Light palms L through his underwear and L keeps his mouth closed, letting no sound fall from his lips and he makes no move to rid Light of any of his clothes so Light takes his shirt off himself.

'L, what's wrong?' Light questions softly, kissing L and noting as L makes no attempt to kiss him back. 'Come on...'

L sighs and opens his eyes; Light's expression is worried and L looks away.

'I know you want me.' Light breathes into L's ear, nipping at the skin under it.

He's trying to get a reaction but L refuses to indulge him, his gaze flitting to the purplish bruise forming on his stomach.

'Goddamit L!' Light snaps, sitting up slightly. He grasps L through his pants and he's barely hard at all. 'What is wrong with you? Why won't you fight back?' He huffs.

'I don't love you.' L says, the words tasting bitter in his mouth.

Light's eyes widen and he's breathless for a moment as he tries to find words. 'You said you did.'

'I thought I did.' He says simply, and Light waits for him to elaborate. When he doesn't, Light clenches his jaw and leaves the room, only clad in his boxers.

L can't be sure how long Light is gone for, he hears him pacing downstairs (this seems to have become a habit) and L doesn't move, he just lays on the bed in his boxers.

He's thinking and he can't seem to think straight. He blames it on his position, of course, how can he think all sprawled out like this?

He doesn't move though, just waits, knowing that Light is working himself up down there and he's going to come back up furious, determined to finish what he started. He's going to want to make L beg for him, make him fight back, make him love him. Not that Light knows what love it, L concludes.

So when Light pushes the door open softly and slowly walks up to the bed, clearly surprised that L hasn't moved and cautiously looks at him, L is surprised to say the least; he doesn't look angry at all, he looks worried.

'You're lying.' Light says and there's no doubt in either of their minds what he's referring to.

'Of course.' L says back, glancing at Light and the relief on Light's face is evident.

'Don't lie to me.' Light growls, and for a moment it seems as though he's going to snap again but he breathes deeply and lays down on the bed next to L. 'Why did you say it?'

'You don't love me.' L says as if that answers the question.

'How can you say that?'

'When you love someone you only want their happiness, you want what's best for them.'

'Can't you see I've tried? I've tried to make you happy, to make this place nice for us.'

'But what if I don't want that?'

'You've never tried to run away, and considering your intelligence, there's no doubt you could.'

'What have I got to run to?'

'You'd rather be here?'

'I don't know anymore, Light. I always hoped Watari would come for me but that would mean that you get arrested and...'

L trails off but they both know what he'd have said. Light would be sentenced to death. Light is surprised at this; L is usually so blunt with the truth.

'Do you think you can be happy here?'

'Truthfully, I don't know, Light.'

Light's arms wrap around L and he can feel a wetness in the crook of his neck that can only be Light's tears.

'I love you so much it hurts. I want you to be happy, I want to be able to keep you.'

'Then you should stop being Kira, then we can be happy together.' L is not entirely serious in this remark but Light takes it as such.

'I can't.'

'I understand. Kira is more important to you than me.'

'If that was true then you'd be dead and you know it. Do you think I would have risked so much for you? I'm completely in love with you, L.'

Light cries into L's neck and while this surprises L, he wraps his arms around Light also and strokes his hand over Light's back soothingly, willing himself not to cry too.

'I'll try harder.' Light chokes out, and L doesn't reply.

a/n - ayy fluff instead of smut finally -.- I mean I love smut and all but jeez odd if there'll actually be any more smuts in this? I mean unless anyone specifically says they want another smut then there probably won't be

just making some plans for the rest of the fic... Idk really I wanted to write this like a year ago and it was always so good in my mind and this is just kind of bleh but oh well

reviews aware love please seriously (thank you Honning for reviewing last chapter btwwww (I realised I don't generally thank people for reviews so))

thoughts?


	9. Chapter 9

Twenty-three days.

It's been _three_ weeks.

L is sitting on the bed, as per usual. He realised yesterday that he's sitting, _actually sitting_ , only with his legs drawn up to his chest. He no longer crouches, just sits.

Sits and stares, sits and thinks. There's hardly anything else to do here.

He scoffs momentarily at the memory of things Light had said only a weeks ago;

_I love you so much it hurts. I'm completely in love with you. I want you to be happy. I'll try harder._

__I'll try harder._ _

__That's the one that seems to play through L's head in a permanent loop. It somehow manages to choke him up and fill him with rage at the same time._ _

__'Trying harder'. That had lasted for about a day, and now Light is worse than ever._ _

__It's clear he can't deal with all of the stress; his temper is the shortest it's ever been and he gets angry at the tiniest things. L's all but given up going downstairs by now, he's skipped dinner for the past three days and Light brought him up some sweets on the first._ _

__Now, he's just plain hungry._ _

__L hears the door open but doesn't turn around; Light sometimes does this, come into the bedroom during the day._ _

__'What are you looking at?' Light's voice travels through the air and makes L flinch._ _

__Light doesn't usually speak to him during the day anymore._ _

__'Nothing in particular.'_ _

__'Nothing? You sit there all day, every day, staring out of the window, what are you looking at?'_ _

__'I'm not.'_ _

__He hears the door close again and footsteps on the stairs._ _

__They don't see much of each other, though they're meant to be 'in love'. A wry smile makes its way onto L's face. Love._ _

__As twisted as it is, that _is_ what's happening here. Love._ _

__L usually only sees Light when he comes up to bed now. He'd try to coax him out of that office for a while but had quickly given up. So now he sits._ _

__Twenty-three days._ _

__It's been three weeks._ _

__L is sitting on the bed, as per usual. He realised yesterday that he's sitting, actually sitting, only with his legs drawn up to his chest. He no longer crouches, just sits._ _

__Sits and stares, sits and thinks. There's hardly anything else to do here._ _

__He scoffs momentarily at the memory of things Light had said only a weeks ago;_ _

__I love you so much it hurts. I'm completely in love with you. I want you to be happy. I'll try harder._ _

__I'll try harder._ _

__That's the one that seems to play through L's head in a permanent loop. It somehow manages to choke him up and fill him with rage at the same time._ _

__'Trying harder'. That had lasted for about a day, and now Light is worse than ever._ _

__It's clear he can't deal with all of the stress; his temper is the shortest it's ever been and he gets angry at the tiniest things. L's all but given up going downstairs by now, he's skipped dinner for the past three days and Light brought him up some sweets on the first._ _

__Now, he's just plain hungry._ _

__L hears the door open but doesn't turn around; Light sometimes does this, come into the bedroom during the day._ _

__'What are you looking at?' Light's voice travels through the air and makes L flinch._ _

__Light doesn't usually speak to him during the day anymore._ _

__'Nothing in particular.'_ _

__'Nothing? You sit there all day, every day, staring out of the window, what are you looking at?'_ _

__'I'm not.'_ _

__He hears the door close again and footsteps on the stairs._ _

__They don't see much of each other, though they're meant to be 'in love'. A wry smile makes its way onto L's face. Love._ _

__As twisted as it is, that is what's happening here. Love._ _

__L usually only sees Light when he comes up to bed now. He'd try to coax him out of that office for a while but had quickly given up. So now he sits._ _

__When Light comes to bed he mostly wants some sort of sex. And half the time L just lies there and let's Light do as he pleases. Occasionally he can get himself into it, Light likes nights like that. Light doesn't like to cuddle much anymore._ _

__He misses Light._ _

__He misses his Light-kun._ _

__His mind wanders back... He can still hear their conversation in his mind, the conversation that led to Light crashing his lips onto L's and he thinks to how everything has changed. How he used to feel a warm swell in his chest as Light's lips touched his but now he feels some sort of dread._ _

__How he used to feel with Light in his arms and now how the prickle of Light's touch is almost intrusive. He wonders if he even loves Light or if he only thinks he does. Can this sick twisted thing they have really be called love? It's abusive; Light has hit L, punched him, practically raped him. L swallows thickly, is it love? Is it some sort of need? He needs Light._ _

__And to an extent, Light needs him too. But love? He thinks of everything that love is supposed to be and this doesn't seem like love. He supposes that they're calling it love because it's the first experience of love they've had? That they've had nothing to compare it to? Does that even justify it?_ _

__He's drawn from his thoughts at the grating sound of the iron gates opening. He sits up a little, watching as Light leaves, locking the gates behind him._ _

__Didn't bother to say goodbye then. Or even to lock L in the bedroom as he used to._ _

__He supposes that Light knows by now that L isn't going to run away. If he was then no amount of locks would have stopped him._ _

__He'd curse this thing called 'love' if he could even be bothered to._ _

__He stands up, stretching his legs and ventures downstairs, briefly wondering where the shinigami is, not having seen him around here at all._ _

__L only retrieves some ice cream and looks out of the open kitchen window, sighing as a cool breeze hits his face._ _

__He could escape._ _

__If he could be bothered._ _

__He can't._ _

__And so he retires back upstairs and eats his ice cream in silence, waiting for Light's return, only to wait for bed, to wait for the next day, and the next. He wonders how long this will go on for, until his death?_ _

__L only realises that he's fallen asleep when he's woken by the grating of the gates as they open, signifying his boyfriend's return._ _

__He lets his eyes fall heavily closed again with a sigh._ _

__'Ryuzaki?' He hears from downstairs and he shoots up, barely taking him a moment to register that it's most certainly _not_ Light's voice._ _


	10. Chapter 10

It's strangely reminiscent of old times. Strangely because L never thought he'd be here again in this seat, with these people.

The only one missing is Light.

They're watching him on the screen. He's sitting in an empty room, hands cuffed, and he isn't doing anything much. He won't even make eye contact with the camera.

He's practically been interrogated by the others, having been gone for three weeks and they'd all somewhat assumed that he was dead, all but Watari of course.

Light is Kira. L knows this. The task force members know this. Light's father knows this.

L hasn't spoken yet, and they're watching and waiting with baited breath for him to tell them what's happened. He won't. Not yet at least.

He brings a microphone to his lips and speaks softly into it.

'Watari, I wish to visit Light.'

And then he's gone. He's glad to be away from the others prying eyes, feeling vulnerable enough as it is, though he knows that they are still watching his every move on the monitors.

Light's head snaps up as he hears the door being unlocked and L steps into the room, casting a quick glance to the camera in the corner and letting out a breath.

Light looks at him, his eyes are almost... Fearful?

L can see the scared nineteen year old boy and his eyes soften and he goes forward to Light.

Light's eyes are wide and scared and L can't help but envelop the boy in his arms and hold him close.

L presses a kiss to Light's forehead and could care less about the gasps that are surely falling from the mouths of their spectators.

'You're going to be sentenced to death.' L says softly, not releasing Light from his arms. He feels his heart break as he feels Light nod against his chest.

'I love you, my Light. No matter what you have done, I will always love you, just know that, alright?'

He can feel Light shaking in his arms and he can tell that he's doing his best not to break down crying. He's only nineteen and he had had good intentions, even if for the wrong reasons.

They sit in silence for a few minutes and L strokes soothing circles onto Light's back, his tears soon subside and he lays in L's arms.

'Light.' He says, taking Light's face in his hands, their gazes locking, and L uses his thumbs to dry the wet skin under Light's eyes.

He takes in a heavy breath, and let's his eyes fall momentarily closed before recapturing Light's gaze.

'I'm going to give you a choice.'

Light's breath catches in his throat and L doesn't spare a glance to the camera though he knows he _should_ have discussed this with the others.

'I know I and Kira have always held the same importance to you, but you need to make a choice, one I really shouldn't be giving you all things considered.'

He hesitates.

'I will sentence you to death, Light, the amount of evidence we have is enough to convict you. You can die as Kira, if you see that as fitting. Or you can relinquish. I know you did this before with the intent of regaining your memories, and you succeeded. But you can relinquish, we can burn the notebooks and Higuchi can be the only Kira. You can be Light, only Light.'

Light doesn't say anything, his eyes desperately searching L's for any hint of malice or lies.

'Is this acceptable, Watari?' He asks, louder, breaking Light's gaze.

It's silent for at least a minute, and their heavy breathing is the only thing that can be heard. L's resting his hand over Light's tracing small patters with his thumb over Light's.

'It is.' Is the reply that they get over the microphone and Light let's out a long breath, leaning forward to kiss L.

L doesn't hesitate to reciprocate, his hands immediately around Light's back and then Light's hands are in his hair, pulling him closer.

He can feel the wetness of Light's tears on his face and it takes him a long moment to realise that they are his own too.

L pulls away and Light presses their foreheads together.

'You should hate me.' He says softly.

'I could never.' L replies.

'Is that really wise?'

'Of course not.' He smiles, pecking Light's lips. 'But it hardly matters; I can't convict you for something you have no memory of doing.'

'Technically-'

'Hush, Light.' L says, standing up and taking Light's arm.

He leads him up from the room and into the main room where everyone is waiting.

'Shinigami?' L calls loudly.

'Wait.' Light says, and the task members eye him cautiously. 'While I remember... Dad... I-'

'I don't want to hear it, son.' Soichiro says, a pained expression on his face.

'L?' Light says, taking L's hands and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. 'I meant it, everything I said back there. I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted us to be happy.'

'Kira and L cannot coexist. We know this now.' L says softly.

Light nods.

'I must know.' L says almost desperately as he sees Light take a breath to address the shinigami. 'If the other option hadn't been death. If you could've had either Kira or me, what would you have chosen?'

Light is silent for a moment and L looks away, that being all the answer he needs.

'I hereby relinquish ownership of this death note.' He says to the shinigami, and for a moment nothing happens.

But then the shinigami is gone and Light's eyes glaze over.

'You.' He says, turning to L.

'Me?'

'I don't know. But I know there was something, and it was you.'

L smiles softly and presses a tender kiss to Light's cheek.

_I don't believe that for a second._


	11. Chapter 11

L closes the door to their bedroom quietly, leaving Light fast asleep and goes down to the other task members, surely awaiting an explanation.

He enters the room and sits down, drawing his legs up to his chest as usual and watches as they look at him, waiting.

'Light and I are in love.' He says bluntly. 'We began our relationship a few weeks before we left, and Light arranged everything under the pretence that it was a surprise. A holiday home for us. And I, of course, was a complete idiot. It truly seemed as though all Kira activity had stopped and allowing myself to be happy was clearly a mistake. However, considering the outcome that this has allowed, perhaps not; we have caught Kira after all.'

'What happened though?' Matsuda asks.

'Technically, Light kidnapped me, though I could have escaped.'

'You could have escaped and you didn't?' Aizawa says flatly, crossing his arms.

'I felt no need, reassured by the fact that I would be found. You do not require the details of what happened in our time there.' He says testily. 'We will inform Light that he suffered a head injury during our holiday, which the doctor says may confuse his memories of the past few weeks at least a little. We shall tell him that Higuchi was Kira and that the investigation is closed.'

'Will he believe that?' Soichiro says, unsure of his son.

'Yes. He will be glad to finally be cleared of suspicion. Light and I will remain here, and comtinue to take on cases together. Watari has assured that you will be able to return to your jobs with the police and we will be parting ways over the next few days. I really couldn't have asked for a better team and dare I say group of people close enough to be to almost be considered friends. You all have my eternal gratitude for this, we would not have been able to solve this case without each and every one of us here.'

'Is this really the end? After nearly three years?' Matsuda asks sadly, looking around at everyone. 'I know I shouldn't feel sad that the case is solved...'

'We will still have a few days, Matsuda, and I know who to call on, should we require the help of the police again.'

It's silent for a moment, hearts heavy.

'Mr. Yagami, I need to have a word, if I may.' L says, turning to Soichiro.

He nods and they both leave the room.

'It's imperative that you understand this. I know your feelings towards Kira, and towards the accusations I have made towards your son in the past. With no doubt your feelings for Light will have changed. I need you to disregard this fact.'

'Ryuzaki-'

'It is true that Light was Kira. But he knows nothing of this, he is now your son that he has always been and you cannot treat him any differently.'

'To think that my son was capable of such things...'

'Hand anyone the power, most will succumb. He was only seventeen, Mr. Yagami. But he's your son and he's vulnerable and he needs you to be his father.'

Soichiro nods after a minute. 'I understand.'

'Good. While we're on the subject... Light and I are romantically and sexually involved. Your thoughts on the matter?'

'My sons sexuality is hardly the most pressing issue here, Ryuzaki.'

L nods. 'I understand. I just wanted to be certain.'

L watches Soichiro go back to the others and instead of following, he turns for the stairs, heading up to their bedroom.

He pushes the door open softly and watches with a small smile as Light peacefully sleeps.

He slides into bed and wraps his arms around Light, glad to finally be able to do this.

Light shifts and wakes, blinking blearily up at L.

'I can't-'

L presses a finger to his lips. 'Your memories may be a little off or mixed up, I'm afraid. You remember our holiday?'

Light furrows his brows and nods.

'You suffered a head injury and the doctors say it can affect your short term memories.'

Light frowns.

'The good news though, is that the case is closed.'

Light's eyes widen.

'Higuchi was the only Kira after all; it's been at least three months and unless Kira resumes killing, it is assumed that the case is over. Solved.'

Light's mouth is slightly agape and L leans in for a kiss.

'I'm sorry for all of my accusations, Light-kun.'

'Light-kun.' Light repeats. 'You stopped calling me that.'

'Would you prefer simply 'Light'?'

'I don't know. I think so but there's something... Something I don't like about it.'

L nods, knowing exactly what he means though Light himself does not. 'I've missed you, Light-kun, my Light-kun.'

'I haven't been anywhere.'

'I know.'

Light is confused, that much is clear, but L doesn't care, he has Light and that is all that matters. Light, his Light, in his arms.

No lies, no malice, no Kira.

Just Light and L. In love.


	12. Chapter 12

He's walking along the shore, bare foot. There are pebbles further up but down here there's soft wet sand from where the tide has gone out. He doesn't quite know where he's going, but the gentle waves rolling over his toes calm him; he couldn't handle sitting around in Head Quarters with Light anymore, making pointless small talk now that there's no case to work on.

He'd planned on asking Light to stay with him there, work on new cases with him and together the two of them would be able to solve anything. Staring out at the calm blue waves and white foam, he's not so sure. He's not sure of much anymore.

He's in love with Light, that's one thing that L is certain of. He could never have thought he was capable of feeling such deep emotions strong enough to hinder his perfectly coherent thoughts to the point of uncertainty. L had always known what he wanted. Always been completely clear.

But now he has no idea what to do. He's not accustomed to this feeling and he decides that it's wholly unpleasant.

*** 

_L hears the door open and he doesn't lift his gaze._ __

_'Ryuzaki?' Light's voice asks, coming to sit beside him._

_L looks up, realising a moment too late that they're in Head Quarters and Light is simply Light._

_'You said you had something to tell me?' His voice is meek and L knows that it's his erratic and unpredictable behaviour these last few days that has caused this._

_'Yes. I'm going to England.' He says softly._

_L watches as the expression on Light's face changes and L looks away, knowing exactly what is going through the younger boys mind._

_'I'm leaving tomorrow and I'll be back next week.' He elaborates and moves to lay a hand on Light's but recoils at the last moment. This doesn't go unnoticed._

_'Did I do something?' Light asks in a tone that L has never heard before._

_'Like what?' L replies. Play innocent?_

_'Hurt you.' It is not a question._

_L is silent for a moment too long because Light looks down, a mixture of guilt and sorrow on his features._

_'You did no such thing.' He lies easily, though whether or not Light believes him or not is another matter entirely. 'I'm just dealing with a few things.'_

_'Like what?'_

_'It's of little relevance.' He says, lips brushing lightly against Light's forehead; a sign that the conversation is over and then he stands._

*** 

L sits down in the sand, paying little attention to the dampness of it and closes his eyes momentarily as a cool breeze blows through his hair.

He's grown so accustomed to seeing Light every day that it's strange not at least falling asleep with the boy by his side.

It was because they'd both gotten used to their sleeping arrangements that their whole relationship started, he figures and finds a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips that quickly disappears.

It's strange having free reign, too, after being chained to Light, and then held hostage in their house... He could now go anywhere he wanted to and he'd spent the first two days hauled up in his hotel room.

It would be so much easier if Light just had his memories, at least that way either they could end things now or try to build a new relationship on a broken one.

How can they do that when Light can't even remember breaking it in the first place?

He's guilty and he doesn't know why and it's not fair. Not fair to Light that he can't get past it, not fair that he's still acting as though he has a reason to be wary of Light.

It's not L's fault but neither is it Light's. It's Kira's but Kira is gone now. There's nothing more to be done.

*** 

__

L's bags are in the taxi and Light is watching him in silence, not knowing what to say.

__

L's hand ghosts over Light's arm and he presses a kiss to Light's cheek, his lips lingering a moment as Light speaks.

__

'This is because of me.' His voice is an almost inaudible whisper, as if he's afraid of the answer.

__

'It's all me, Light-kun.' L reassures him, though he can tell that Light is anything but reassured.

__

No more words are exchanged between the two and the air is heavy as L gets into the taxi, stopping himself from glancing back at Light.

__

L lets out a long sigh as the car pulls away and he can almost feel the pricks of tears in his eyes but he swears that he's only imagining them. It feels as if he's leaving Light for good. Feels as though they're parting ways indefinitely even though they'll be reunited in a week.

__

He feels guilty almost - the look on Light's face as he'd voiced his fears.

__

They're true.

__

*** 

Perhaps it would be better to end things. L frowns at the thought, he could hardly stand to be without Light.

But Light is young, he's still only nineteen. Light would be okay even if L wouldn't.

L is the only one who can give Light a challenge and match his intellect, could he really be happy?

Of course. He has his whole life ahead of him, he doesn't need some reclusive eccentric detective.

Light would be fine.

He needs to be able to put this behind him. Kira is gone, Light is just Light.

Can they really move forward together? Would L be able to get over the past that still looms over him?

It's not fair to Light. Light deserves happiness.

Could it really be best to cut ties with him? For Light's sake?


	13. Chapter 13

The second that the door falls closed behind him, Light's arms are thrown around him. L stiffens in surprise but then wraps his own arms around Light.

'Miss me?' L asks with a small smile. He feels Light nod into the crook of his neck. 'Well if it makes you feel better, I missed you too.'

'You did?' Light asks, pulling away and searching L's eyes, his own glistening with tears.

As much as L hated Kira, Kira was a part of Light, part of Light that he fell in love with and can he just overlook that?

It's one of these moments that L can see so clearly the difference between Kira and Light. He'd known Kira for so long that seeing Light's eyes filled with tears was somewhat shocking but this is Light. His nineteen year old boyfriend who he'd left all alone thinking it was all his fault.

'Of course I did, there's no need to cry.' He says, catching the first tear to fall with his thumb.

'I'm sorry, I feel so stupid.'

'No, no, my Light, that's the last thing you are.'

'I just thought...' He trails off, heat rising in his cheeks and he looks away.

L wraps an arm around him and that's all it takes for Light to burst into tears and just _how_ could L have been having second thoughts?

He's just a young and vulnerable boy and L has hurt him.

'You thought what, Light-kun?'

'I thought you were going to leave me, I thought that maybe you didn't love me anymore... From the way you've been acting... I know that something happened and I feel so awful and guilty and I don't even know what it was that I did but I can't tell you how sorry I am, Ryuzaki.'

'I told you," L says, kissing Light's forehead. 'There is nothing to apologise for. In fact, I'm the one that should be apologising.' He takes Light's hand and leads him upstairs, figuring that they can go to bed early, it is evening after all.

'What for?'

L brushes his thumb under Light's eye. 'I've only ever seen you cry twice before in nearly three years, Light-kun, and while it is somewhat of a beautiful sight, I don't wish to _ever_ be the cause of your pain.'

'I love you.' Light says softly, brushing their lips together.

'And I love you.' L replies with a smile.

They both change into pyjamas and get into bed, despite it still being relatively early.

'So tell me,' L starts, 'What do you remember of our holiday?'

Light thinks for a moment. 'Well, I remember the first day pretty well, and I remember telling you that I love you.' He smiles, kissing L's cheek. 'And I also remember you telling me you loved me.'

'Do you remember the circumstances in which this occurred?' L says teasingly.

'Hm... Let me think... I think it went something like this?' Light grins, rolling onto L and kissing him.

'Oh really?'

'Ryuzaki...' Light says, biting his lip.

'Mhm?'

'I want you to make love to me.' He says, blushing profusely.

'With pleasure.' L smiles, entangling his fingers in Light's hair.

'I want _you_ to make love to _me._ ' He clarifies softly, cheeks darkening further.

L's eyes widen for a moment. 'You're sure?'

'It's different somehow, and I don't know why and I think you do, but I'm not going to push it for today. But please, I want you to take me.'

'You're so beautiful, my Light-kun.' L says softly, brushing feather light kisses over Light's neck.

'Ryuzaki...' Light breathes.

'L.' L says, biting his lip and looking into Light's eyes, casting aside the thought that L is the name that Kira always called him by.

'L?'

'Believe it or not, L is actually my name. L Lawliet.'

Light's lips part in surprise as his eyes widen. 'You're name?'

'I trust you.' L smiles, leaning up to kiss Light.

'L Lawliet.' Light says softly and then he smiles. 'It's beautiful, just like you.'

L laughs gently. 'You, my Light, are the beautiful one.'

'No, you.'

'I trust Light-kun is aware of how stubborn I can be?'

'As can I.'

'Then let's agree to disagree.'

'Sounds good.'

And with that, L rolls over so that Light is no longer over him and he presses his lips to Light's neck, gently kissing and sucking at the skin, smiling at the mewls escaping Light's lips as he gently grinds their crotches together.

L gasps into Light's neck and moves a hand over Light's chest down to his crotch.

Light arches his back, hands gripping in L's mass of hair.

'Please, L.' He whimpers as L grinds down again.

L smiles, bringing their lips together again and pulling Light's pyjama's down, leaving him only in boxers. He palms him through the thin material and Light gasps into L's mouth, bucking up into his hand.

'Please, please... L...' He whines, tugging clumsily at L's pyjama's.

As soon as L pulls Light's boxers off, Light lets out a load moan, thrusting up into L's hand.

'Off.' Light says softly, dipping his fingertip under the waist band of L's boxers and L easily complies, moaning softly himself as he feels Light's hand around him.

L leans back over Light, sucking red marks into Light's pale skin, grinding down onto Light and they moan together as L litters Light's collar bones with deep red and slightly purple marks.

L sits up and goes over to the cupboard, retrieving a new bottle of lube. He looks back and swallows audibly, his breathing heavy; Light is sprawled out on the bed, cheeks flushed and pale skin decorated with love bites, watching him, waiting for L to make love to him.

'You have no idea what you do to me.' L says softly, coming back over and Light leans up to kiss him.

'If it's the same as what you do to me then I'm sure I do.'

'It'll hurt a little to start with, but it feels indescribable.' L says, popping the cap open and pouring a little onto his fingers, noticing as Light subconsciously spreads his legs further.

His fingertip swirls around Light's entrance for a few moments, teasing him softly and then he slides it in a little, Light gives a sharp intake of breath.

L slides it in further and slowly slides it out again, watching Light's face as he bites his lip.

'You okay?' He asks gently as he pushes his finger back in.

'Mhm.' Is all Light can manage to reply with.

'It'll get better.' He reassures him.

''s already good.' Light moans softly as L brushes the tip of his finger on Light's prostate.

L does this a few more times before getting a little more lube (just to be safe) and slides in another finger alongside the first. Light moans and let's his eyes fall closed as L presses against his prostate again.

'Good?' L asks, leaning over to kiss Light.

'Very.' Light breathes. 'I want you.'

'Not yet, my Light, I don't want to hurt you.'

'I want you...' He whines as L adds a third finger.

'Soon.' He says and it's taking all of his self restraint to not give in to the boys pleas.

L picks up the pace a little and Light's soft moans go up an octave and he's desperately trying to wrap his legs around L in some way.

'Patience, my little Light.'

'Don't want to...'

'You'll thank me tomorrow when you can actually walk.'

Light whines and pulls L's fingers out of him.

'Please. Please, L. I need you inside of me.' He pants, grabbing up the bottle of lube and spreading some on to L.

L moans at the much wanted contact and makes sure that there is enough lubrication on him before lining himself up at Light's entrance.

He pushes the tip in, ever so gently and Light lets out a gasp that turns into a moan as L pushes in a little more.

He's pushing into Light agonisingly slowly and it's complete torture for the both of them.

'L.' Light pants softly as L stops moving, finally all the way in. 'Move, please.'

L hesitates, letting Light finish adjusting for a few more moments.

'Come on!' Light whimpers. 'You're not going to break me.'

Slowly, he slides almost all the way out of Light, and thrusts gently back in. They moan softly in unison and L continues like this for a few thrusts, still desperate not to hurt Light (like Kira hurt him).

But Light is practically begging him to pick up the pace now and he can't resist any more, thrusting in and out faster, listening to Light's loud moans and revelling in them.

He wraps a hand around Light's member and Light whimpers.

'N-o... I'm so close, I'll...' He trails off, his speech turning into moans.

'I want you to cum for me, Light. My Light-kun, cum for me. Light...'

Light is writhing beneath him now, and his name from L's lips in that lust filled voice sends him over the edge and his back arches as he moans loudly, so loudly that someone is bound to have heard him and he's shooting white ribbons onto his stomach, walls clenching around L.

L spills into Light with a groan, slowing his thrusts as they both ride out their orgasms and he pulls out, flopping down onto the bed beside Light and is about to sling and arm over his waist, but reaches for the tissue box at the side of the bed and cleans up Light's stomach.

He wraps his body around Light's and they both close their eyes as Light pulls the duvet that has ended up on the floor over them.

'I love you, L Lawliet.' Light says softly, sounding sleepy.

'And I love you, my Light.' L replies, pressing a kiss to Light's shoulder.

They can do this, L concludes. They'll be okay.


End file.
